I was eight years old when the Transformers cartoon came out. And just like every red-blooded American boy I loved the giant robots who could change into cars and trucks and jets and ginormous cassette tape players.
That being said, I'm terribly upset that the Transformers is going to become the next summer blockbuster from director Michael Bay, who ruined sci-fi with "Armageddon", U.S. History with "Pearl Harbor", and the buddy action movie with "Bad Boys 2".
Oh I'm sure the effects will be great. I'm sure the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons will look like they're really alive, or booted up, or turned on, or whatever state it is that robots would be in when they're moving about, walking and talking.
But some of it is really painful. I particularly don't like that actor Shia LaBeouf is playing Sam "Spike" Witwicky.
Remember Spike? He was the pre-teen boy who taught the Autobots all about Earth customs, and was pretty much the comic foil because a human boy fighting alongside giant metal robots as tall as the Burj al-Arab would really be frightening as all get out.
I know Kevin Smith has already made this joke in the Clerks Cartoon, but seriously - how in the world could Spike sit inside the transformed Autobot and not get squished like a grape?
I'm just so annoyed that they're making this a live-action movie. Why does Hollywood feel the need to redo and reuse old ideas? C'mon. Get original. Let's leave Transformers happily in our childhood, and go make something fresh and different.
One caveat - the whole Autobot / Decepticon war was always over energy - energon cubes, to be exact. If this film is made into a parable for the current war in Iraq over oil then I'll officially rescind my objection to this movie.
